I went from a size ten to a size fourteen within the space of ten years and three children. In the past, I would sob and sigh in frustration at my weight gain. The result of this self-loathe and self-anger resulted in depression and dangerous dependence on comfort eating to make me feel better.
Whenever I was feeling blue for gaining that much weight, my brain would start to desire sugar which in some way, was meant to “pump” me up a little to give me temporary happiness or “high” so I found myself reaching out to sodas, chocolates and whatever was sweet. And then after such sugary food was consumed and I was happy for a while, I would start to sink again because I would start to feel guilty for eating the wrong foods and of course, the weight mounted leading me through that vicious circle of self-loathe, dependent on sugar, after regret, weight gain and then depression. This circle left me emotionally and mentally drained as well as fatigued and unfit. It took a strong personal resolve to break the circle.
I realized much later that self-loathe had been my enemy and that I needed to love my current body enough to want to enhance it to a healthier version of me. I started to count my blessings and tell myself that I would gain all that weight in a heart beat and still go through three caesarean because I have three beautiful and wonderful kids and these kids need their mother to be healthy and alive to take care of them. This became my motivation. So while I was shopping for body shaping under garments to make me look good outwardly and boost my self-confidence, I was also making resolutions and shopping for healthy foods to eat as well. Because my motivation to lose weight was no longer limited to the actual weight loss with the attendant reward of shopping new clothes sizes or having to wear those fabulous clothes that no longer fit me, I was much more focused on enjoying my fitness regiment and living healthier.
These days, I am no longer reaching out to sugar because I realized that I don’t need them to be happy or to stay positive. I am no longer burdened by the anger of not being able to fit into my old clothes rather my focus shifted to being healthy.
I realized too that our self-confidence and self-love depends on how we work with our current body. If you abandon your body and do not care about your appearance, it affects your self-confidence which also affects your fitness or workout. You cannot workout with a depressed mind – you got to be mentally fit and positive to commit to a workout and actually enjoy it. Because as soon as you begin to enjoy your workout sessions, then you are on your way to weight loss.
Am a work in progress; but I like the fact that I am free from self-loathe and frustration with self. I am more active than I ever was and my self-confidence has improved as well. So love your current body while you work on it to a healthier, stronger, beautiful you.