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Confessions of a modern wife, Relationship

Can cheating stop?

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I just watched a pleasant and interesting Nigerian movie, Mrs & Mrs Johnson released in 2015. The movie tells the story of two women who inadvertently found out that they shared a mutual relationship – a husband after either was summoned to the hospital by a clueless nurse who had unwittingly dialed either phone numbers based on the contact names on the injured husband’s phone. The events that followed unraveled the dynamics of the relationship that either woman or wife shared with the husband under-going surgery from a gun-shot atttack.

It got me thinking because while it was easy to excuse the man’s double-dealing or cheating by blaming it on his older wife’s inability to have children and her sheer lack of amiable character or manners,  I do not think that it is a good enough reason for a man to cheat on his wife, build two homes and hop in between two wives like a yo-yo. 

There are many reasons why people cheat: inability for a couple to procreate, unresolved mutual differences, distance between a couple and of course, temptation. 

I have heard women advise their friends with cheating husbands to try and make their homes more welcoming and cozy; and that of course, such women should try and look good, look sexy or attractive all of the time. I have also heard and seen extreme situations where women or men try to alter their natural physical appearance to please their partner just so he or she wouldn’t cheat anymore.

But guess what?

They are people in relationships or marriages where they are unable to have kids or in situations where a partner might not care about his or her physical appearance; and they are people in tempting situations but do not cheat. So what does that mean? That cheating is in the character of the person cheating. Do you know that some people are more prone to cheat because of their personality? People who are less conscientious may find it easier to cheat because they can’t be bothered. And same goes for self-centered, egoistic people. Perhaps one should consider people’s personalities before embarking on a relationship with them. Perhaps it could help reduce one’s risk of infidelity?

So, am not interested in making excuses for anyone who cheats because people cheat because it is in their character!

So, tell me, what do you think?

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Relationship

In retrospect, I could have been better

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As I look back on 2015, I realized that the year went rapidly fast for me while I struggled to play catch-up. My body, mind and spirit were disjointed throughout 2015 and when that happens, you are unable to achieve much. I experienced personal demons last year, got so muddled up in a fog of confusion that my final solution was to come to an abrupt stop, suspended my business and sat back at home as a full time mum to watch as the year flew by.

But of course, it was tough sitting at home and doing nothing much but cater to my family’s needs, while playing the all powerful, can do-it-all super-mum. Did it have its rewards? Of course yes. The fact that I gave my kids the strong support that they needed to excel in school and watched them achieve that much success made me a proud mum. I was so happy and fulfilled that my daughter won that much academic awards. Yes, the experience was rewarding but besides celebrating my kids’successes, I could not celebrate mine because I felt that I needed to create my own success, which I thought I had failed at. I should have considered my kids’successes as mine, considering that my dedication and devotion to them got them where they needed to be but I was the kind of mum who never allowed her husband and kids to define her. I felt that I had to define who I was and that in some way, that definition of self was exclusive to me alone and not inclusive of my family or the ones I loved. Tough!

I guess that as mums, when we give up our careers or businesses to become full time mums, we worry that we might lose ourselves and believe me, I got lost in my kids’ homework assignments and projects; in PTA activities, in house chores that my creativity began to escape me. I couldn’t write because the words were not flowing and I couldn’t create things either so I lost my interest in my makeup business and makeup as a craft. I had never seen my brain that empty!

So began my soul searching; of course, my desire was to seek divine direction. In the end, I did get some clarity so I am glad that out of the darkness of my frustrations came the birth of my new brand and business direction – ENE NATURALS. I revived my desire to create and develop organic skincare products and I was happy that not only was I able to change my online presence to reflect this new name and direction, I was able to begin the necessary legal frameworks to support that as well. This was one of my biggest breakthroughs of the year.

I got burnt by friends in 2015. I have learnt that some people just want to use you but fail to realize that when they try to take advantage of good-hearted people, it is actually their loss and our gain because while they would never gain from the generosity of our hearts, we in turn are blessed for their exit out of ours. I swore that I wouldn’t be foolish next time but know what? Friendship is like love affairs and though we get heart-broken, it is better to have loved than not. We shouldn’t let one vile experience stop us from being kind to others.

Am optimistic about 2016; I am entering this year with a clear head and a clear mind. I have decided not to rush out of my door without pausing to reflect, to think or pray before acting. I am going to be cautious in 2016, choosing to let sobriety rule over impulse. I will love some more this year but wisely.

Good luck in 2016!

Cheers!